Just like HEAVEN

Hey peeps...I'm back for a short lil updates =) Hehehe...Sorry for the long wait as I'm kinda busy these days at work and keep on design, desIGN and MORE DESIGN!!! Yeah, my first ever exhibition booth design and lots of the graphic works will be up in next 2 weeks and I promise I'm gonna reserved this whole event coverage for my beloved readers =)

Anyway, been really tired and moody these days but it also gets me thinking about lots of 'unecessary' stuff especially while I'm driving back and forth to work alone...Sigh...Life is always full with question marks...Why not just let lay down and stay low to relax and listen to this particular song I've got addicted to...

Just Like Heaven
by Katie Melua

Knocking all the way down

All of a sudden, emo starts striking me back these days and I just can't tell how much I'm missing my babe, TineTine Gan who is in KL now... Tonnes of hugs and kisses to my darling =)

Ney missing our Koala Bear Hugs

Lately, lots of the very 'wistful' thinking has been going on and on around my head and I'm kinda lost track of how to handle the situation already... Its been a while I'm getting this but now it seems like more thinking gets more hurting (Erm, I'm not sure how to exactly draft out this theory BUT it is how I'm actually feeling it right now) Sigh... Life is SICKENING when more and more dramas happened, don't you think so?

Buddy luncheon @ Jack's Place, OneUtama

Well... Afterall I still know life has to move on and on even theres a lot of stepping stones pilling up along the way to trip you down... Likewise or maybe its all another challenge to take, another path to walk across, another end breaching to a new begining...I know I'm always not alone to go through all these and I'm glad that YOU always care... Hugs tight tight... Night people =)

Past

A Lonely September
by Plain White T

I'm sitting here all by myself
Just trying to think of something to do
Trying to think of something, anything
Just to keep me from thinking of you

But you know its not working out
Cause you're all thats on my mind
One thought of you is all it takes
To leave the rest of the world behind

I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did

I'm sitting here trying to convince myself
That you're not the one for me
But the more I think, the less I believe it
And the more I want you here with me

You know the holidays are coming up
I don't want to spend them alone
Memories of Christmas time with you
Will just kill me if I'm on my own

I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did

I know its not the smartest things to do
We just can't seems to get it right
But what I wouldn't give to have one more chance tonight
One more chance tonight

I look around my room and everything
I see reminds me of you
Oh please, baby won't you take my hand
We've got nothing left to prove

I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
And I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did

And I didn't mean to meet you then we were just kids
And I didn't mean to give you chills the way that I kiss
And I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
And you didn't mean to love me back but I know you did

Don't say you didn't love me back
Cause I know you did
No, you didn't mean to love me back but you did

Lost and losing

We took chances in life

At once and too many times we tried
As a child we thought
"Oh God, bless us for good"

Life is a gift yet its full of obstacles
Given and taken at turns
Our time just came too soon
And life was over in a flash

The fun we shared
The joy you brought
All just gonna remained as memory
Behind us, between us...

A story to tell

This is gonna be my short updates...Busy days still on but I just can't help myself doing this...

Ok now, I am going to tell you a story about what happened recently...
That goes on and then the next day...No solutions made but I still kept trying to talk over and definitely keep hoping that everything is gonna be alright...And then...
The moment sucks big time and I just can't help myself not thinking of the things we said we gonna do together after final...Now things are so bad in shape and I really really tawar hati and see no hope in those coming day outings anymore...

Anyway, I've bought you something and I am waiting here patiently for the time to pass it to you though I wished to just messaged you about all this but no...I know its not gonna be the same feeling of excitement anymore and here I don't wished to hear that coming from you...

To be claimed by its owner

I really hope to just mend things right for the old times sake...I am sorry *hugs*

Full stop

Mind you my lovely readers, its gonna be another super emo post again this time but I guess after all I should feel happy for myself that I had finally discovered what I want and this is like something that I had been so lost to decide either to go ahead or just stopping at where I was and rewind back the good old time...

Haihhh...Countless hug need =(

Well, yeah...Life in KL has been a bitch and lots of up and down I had already put myself through without you these days...Somehow somewhat it just gave me so much of the mixed feeling towards you and at some point I am really kinda like lost of what I should do already...I'm missing you so bad but at same time I just don't feel anything when you responded back...Is this what you people call the end of loving someone? Nah, I don't have anything to comment now...You may say whatever you like...

Anyway, no doubt that I still think the week back at Penang was something so memorable to me but I guess until now you still haven't gotten any slight idea of how much you meant to me right??? *laugh at myself* The usual typical and ironic of your man-ego shit...Ahhh, I am tired and exhausted to put up with all this already...

Time passed, people changed and now I guess we had already grew to be more rational in looking over this whole scenario then...I know I crushed and fell deep deep for you but I guess the feeling I had back then has now got to put a full stop to it...Just a plain simple FULL STOP will do and I shall not feel regret or heavy-hearty to move on after today...

Yes, I do know that I wanted you badly in heart but I guess its just not the right timing now to pick up and carry on from where we left...I couldn't see myself in sacrificing all the future plans I had in mind and this has eventually got A LOTTT of things to give up on (Well, not to even mentioned about my dream of working oversea) if I chose to go back at step one...I am sorry for not wanting you back but now I'm just tying to be who I wanted to be...

Hmm...One sad love story here you may say but I know I shall love myself more than anything else...No one can say who cannot live without who but its just simple not easy and God-damn-hard...Bleeding love it is cause I know relationship matters can never come easy but I am glad and grateful that it was a lot of memories between us =)

Anyway, finish emo here already...Me first credit goes to Josh *hugs* and really thank you so much for the lovely recommended song, I Wanted You by INA...Should share more of your 'pondan' songs with me okay? LOL~ Me second credit goes to TineTine and MinMin *group hugs* Thank you girls so much for listening and being there always whenever I need your shoulder to cry on...Lub u babes 9 9...

Okay, long night to go till I finished assignment...Signning off with love~

Specially dedicated to my babe, Nadine Ann Thomas

Sweetie, if you ever have the chance to drop by and are infact reading at this post...Its a special dedication for you and only okay =* Love you much darling *hug tight tight not letting go* Babe, must promise to keep in touch no matter what yea!!! Aww...Few hours went passed since you left, I am starting to miss you already =(#Recap#
Met her at KLIA this morning...She is leaving to London for a year's exchange in our London campus...Nope, I don't have any picture for this last meet up because I was too smart to just bring the camera BUT without the battery *sob sob...feel sorry to myself now* Anyway, had our very last gossip session at McD and finally I've got to meet up with her family after so long (3 years not meeting them its a VERY LONG time to me cause we used to be so close and its kind of frequent I slept over at her place back then...) So yea, she was very steady when comes to boarding the departure gate and didn't cry at all but me and another close friend of hers, Rachael were holding our tears because first, we both don't want to malu-fied-kan ourselves in public and second, watching her parents and sister dropping tears, we know we are nothing compare to them...SAD right =( I know-damn-right...Sigh...Now that I am crying so bad writing this post, I just want to really recall back how our wonderful past 5 years has been like...

- 2004 Semester 1 & 2 -The very begining of our friendship...In the same gang with few more others namely Finna (Indon), Suzanna (Chindian) and Ian (Chinese banana)...LOL...What an International yet Malaysianized gang we are back then and I guessed thats how I've picked up my english in Limkokwing though...Oh by the way, she herself is one Chindian also and that makes our group the famous 4 Chinese 1 Indian gang as according to our lecturer =D So relatively, we were like sisters-brother and got really close to each other only after the 5ft x 5ft Psychedelic project which carried so much of the unforgetable memory in everyone of us until now...
- 2005 Semester 3 & 4 -Second year into college, our friendship boomed like the mushrooms after rain falls...Lots of hanging out session at the Wings Coffee and Fitofly in uni and one of our most favorite thing to do back then - slumber and chill BUT not doing assignments at all =D Haha...Oh well, young and not thinking serious mah~ So other than all the happy moments we shared, I have to also admit that this was a VERY BAD year which it caught us into so many (Erm, perhaps to say countless is more accurate) arguing sessions but luckily we settled things talks after talk and pulled through everything and remained so close until now...

- 2006 Semester 5 & 6 -Last year of Diploma, you've changed course and I am happy for what you are going into now...Due to the change of faculty and different classes, our hangout time had cut less and also everyone were too busy with their own thing...Then, we started to slowly grow apart from each other but luckily no matter when or where we are gathered together, theres never been a gap of don't know what to say...We have got so much to tell, so much to catch up and I am thankful for the concern you gave all the while even we are not seeing each other often...

- 2007 Semester 7 & 8 -
My first degree year, your don't know what year into the Mass Communication course...Sigh, I know the gap between us is getting bigger and bigger...I had tried my best to keep in touch and text you whenever I can...Good thing that the uni is still our very common hang out and get together place...Thanks for coming to my 21st birthday celebration and no doubt celebrating this big day with you guys meant so much to me...Horror came when Suz left to London later and left only you and me in uni...Yea, you are my only babe left in uni and this kind of study life sucks =(
- 2008 Semester 9 & 10 -The final decision of yours to go London for the exchange...Indeed it was a very sudden and totally unexpected decision coming from you...All the talkings and catch up session we had these days made me realized I had missed out the biggest part of your life...The touching message you sent are still locked and safely stored in my phone...To quote you too : I know we have grown apart and we're not as close as we used to be...I'm sorry I haven't been there for you during your hard times but thank you for being there for me and I promise whatever you need I am here for you...Love you darling...

Babe...You are the person who see me changed, the person who watched me do my nose piercing (Erm, live show!!!), the person who has always been there when I am down, the person who cheer up the whole gang during stress time, the person who always got tonnes of story to tell, the person who really cares and meant so much to me!!! Gosh...Its really making me sad that I cant have you attend at my graduation end of this year but I know deep down that you leave for good...I know all this and I really know...Well, lets hope someday somehow we will unite together again for good sake eh? Or maybe, I shall start working my way up to meet you guys in London instead huh? Hmm...Anyway, its a long post for today ady and I think I shall put a full stop to this...Please take good care of yourself (Not to mentioned that you're sick puppy now~) in London and remember to miss me okay...Many many hugs and kisses to you from Malaysia...

Love,
-c@nEy-

Hurt

=( =( =( BabyNey is HURT & UPSET =( =( =(

Sigh...My finger hurts and my heart ache real bad!!! Haihhh...Why is so the wrong with me??? (Opps, pardon my England, can't be bother so much...)

First, let me curse 9 9 the stupid Sunway Pyramid's idiotic tong sampah...!@#$%^& Very the STUPIAK I tell you!!! Who the hell on earth in the first place got such people designed their tong sampah cover to be so heavy and MUSTTT let the user pushed the entire cover inside in order to just throw in a small can of unwanted drink??? Who is this stupid idiotic freaking dumb designer??? WHY??? You come tell me why you design such stupid product...Sigh, now thanks to your smart ass design and I got my poor middle finger's punya skin peeled off so bad that after God-knows-how-long- ady, the poor lil skin is still bleeding even with the plaster on!!!

Haihhh...I think I should just sue them for negligent weh??? Compensate me for your inappropriate design and now that my poor lil middle finger is so kesian to be cacated for over a short period...Yeah, I think I should just do it cause I shall be one pain-in-the-ass consumer myself before me myself become one SMART and CONSIDERATE Interior Designer in another 3 more months time...DANG!!!

On the other hand, me heart ache bad bad...SIGH....

BabyNey miss DC the boo boo so much...

Why can't I seems to get rid of your name lately...Everywhere I turned or see seems to have your name posted everywhere...Its killing me softly you know that??? I am suffering no good =(

Missing you real bad now...Huhu~

Not good

Quote of the day :
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass
It's about learning how to dance in the rain

Life is indeed a bed of roses
and thou shall never regret on the choices made

Conversation as recorded :
Friend : Hey babe...
Friend : Hows life? How have you been?
Me : No life...Not doing good either =(
Friend : Why???
Friend : What happened my dear?
Me : I dunno...Everything just seems to be WRONG!!!
SO WRONG!!!
Me : Sigh...I bet you wouldn't understand my situation like this...
Friend : Okay...
Friend : Cheer up la darling, I am always here...
Me : Yeap, I know...Thanks for being there though...
Friend : Everything happened for a reason and hopefully everything is gonna be over soon...
Friend : Just hang in there ok?
Friend : -hugsss-
Me : =|

Hmm...I am not good la...STILL NOT GOOD after all...

Sigh...Problems had been multiplied by 2 and now its actually worst than what I had in mind =(

BabyNey is DEPRESSING!!! =( =( Deep deep one this time =( =(

9908

Strike the numbers above and you will probably be as UNLUCKY as I am...

Sigh...My laptop's hard disc fucked up in this very special day of the FINAL semester...YES, let me remind you again...ITS FINAL SEMESTER!!! Basically, everything inside are gone...No back up (Well, actually got...BUT, I deleted the files in the morning before this shit happened) and needless to say in retrieving anything I had just finished for this semester... SIGH~ To top thing worst, my VERY PRECIOUS interior design pictures and material samples are also GONE TOO!!! How great is that to be???

Arghhh...I just feel like giving up everything...VERY VERY HARD FEELING to see all your work gone just like that and you can't help much but to stay there watching time pass by and the lecturers will just probably be annoying you to hurry up in your progress...

Sighhh...At this point I am just filled with much depression, frustration and more anger towards myself...I hate mylife, I HATE MYSELF!!!

Lost and stuck

Sighhh....

Just woken up by a dream actually...Well, a dream that got me crying so bad after so long is definitely got something to blog about isn't it?

Hmm...Whats about it anyway?

Oh well, I wouldn't say its a bad dream after all but rather something that got me worried and started to think deep...Sigh, I am feeling so lost and stuck...I mean in my life...I don't know what are my plans anymore...For once and all, I no longer have the instinct of what I should be doing in a couple years of time from now...I don't have my dream, I don't have any aims...I am so so lost of direction of where I should be going and doing...

In the dream, I remembered my Mom asking me what are my dreams in life...To a shock, I paused and started to panic...I don't have any actually, I answered...But not long later I also explained the average designer's dream...I mean we designer want to design something for the future that the products itself are function-able and of course this must have become the satisfaction of what and why we chose to be in the creative problem solving industry...Righttt???

Sigh...Don't know la...Been feeling emo and stress and lost and sad and and and...SIGH!!!

Okla, I think I shouldn't influence you guys too...Nitez and much love~